I appreciate your insights.

Perhaps I’m approaching this differently. For me (and I can only speak for me), the power to exit a relationship that focused on gaslighting was all mine. Gaslighters thrive on the weak and codependent. That’s fuel for them.

In the beginning, I didn’t have the emotional spine or self confidence to battle my gaslighters…and that includes a horrible relationship with my mother. Which is why I felol victim in the first place. But one day I quite literally “woke up”, for lack of a better description and started seeing the reality around me. For me this included “de-monsterfying” those that felt the need to alter my reality to accomodate their own greedy neediness. I chose to see them for who and what the y were as mere people; flawed, sad and pathetic specimens of humanity who somewhere along the line, had become victims themselves. And things only got better once I refused to be a victim any longer.

I get very angry at myself when I think about the role I played in my own gaslighting. Not that I asked for it…not that I did anything to warrant it. I regret that at the time, I didn’t have the self respect to remove myself from what I inherently knew was destructive situation. I am working on forgiving myself and my gaslighters for this–and this is key–and I will in time, but right now, I still deal with the anger aimed outward; aimed inward. But in some ways, I’m glad it’s there. Anger is like this double edged sword…like chemo, of you will. Chemo kills the cancer cells and unfortunately, the good cells, too. Anger keeps the gaslighters away…and it also repels the good honest people.

I don’t deny that there is institionalized gaslighting–from home to the office..school…on the team. But I will say that a person who finds him or herself in a sitation such as this can put an end to the madness, simply by garnering every ounce of self worth they can muster. From there, they have to find the strength to leave or standup to gaslighter. They must do whatever they can to say no to the abuse and welcome in trust, peace of mind and joy. And I this has to be done internally first. This MUST come from within before another relationship begins, be it personal or professional. If not, you’re foolishing asking for a repeat of your own history. Santyana said it best, ‘those who forget the past, are condemned to repeat it”. This is very true of gaslighting victims to who don’t learn from their experience.

I’m here to say that there is life after trauma. You just have to want it and yes, it really is that simple. If anyone must controls your heart and soul, it ought to be YOU.

Thanks for your input,
LK

Beautifully said.

This is typical NT research where they judge all Autistics by NT criteria, which is just plain wrong. If you judge an apple by banana standards, it will always fail as a banana. But if you judge an apple on its own, it will be a great apple.

And what in the world do triangles have to do with anything? Who came up with that one? I think it’s really the other way around: there’s something wrong if people read too much into animated triangles.

BTW, what is so wrong with being different?

That sort of thing should just not be tolerated any more than it would be if people were making commercials about black people being mentally disabled somehow. It’s discriminatory and presumptuous.

Thank you for your article!
Mom of a drooler