Archive for December, 2011

your dreams will be reduced down to breathing, and you will be grateful

The thing about not-being-a-person is: They will say those people and the price of being a person is to nod and agree that yes, those people aren’t people at all. They will have no idea who they are talking to. You yourself will start to forget, too. They will say a million small things that sow the seeds for violence done against you, and you will smile and let them. You will do math, constantly. How much do I want to be a person today? How much do I want this project to succeed? How much honesty can I afford? How much dishonesty will kill me? What is the cost of coming out? Is there a way to delay, soften, transmute? How long can I survive as half a person? Ever since the world ended ... I don't go out as much. People that I once befriended, just don't bother to stay in touch. Things that used to seem so splendid, don't really matter today. It's just as well the world ended -- it wasn't working anyway. Your dreams will be reduced down to breathing. [Read More]

on 03/5/12 | 2 Comments | Read More

Anatomy of an Autistic (V/V)

Anatomy Of An Autistic So it looks as if I have two options. Pass and learn, perfect, the art of being a person I’m not. Or don’t, and let everyone else define me as some entwined version of mo...[Read More]

on 12/30/11 | 4 Comments | Read More

Anatomy of an Autistic (IV/V)

Anatomy Of A Monster And what none of us passers want to talk about is what our passing does to those who can’t. Passing is necessitated because without it, we would be stuck being a Scary Disabl...[Read More]

on 12/29/11 | 3 Comments | Read More

Anatomy of an Autistic (III/V)

Anatomy Of A Passing Person Passing is…. Passing is… Well, passing is difficult, first of all. It’s constant anxiety, calculation, cognition, because remember, those of us who pass are ...[Read More]

on 12/28/11 | 1 Comment | Read More

Anatomy of an Autistic (II/V)

Anatomy Of A Meltdown My brain likes to alternate between being made of swiss cheese (full of holes to fall in and through and down) and wax (for optimal melting). I have meltdowns a lot, in part b...[Read More]

on 12/27/11 | 2 Comments | Read More

Anatomy of an Autistic (I/V)

Writing is a struggle against silence. ~Carlos Fuentes Passing as a non-autistic, passing as neurotypical, means that you never get to actually be human. Be a person. You just learn how to get reall...[Read More]

on 12/26/11 | No Comments | Read More

The Path That Chose Me

These past few days, I’ve been realizing that, from the time I was small, I’ve lived with an odd kind of bifurcated consciousness about myself. On the one hand, I was The Child Destined to Do Gr...[Read More]

on 12/23/11 | 3 Comments | Read More

How far can autistic culture develop without excluding neurotypical people? (2011 redux)

How far can autistic culture develop without excluding neurotypical people? For many years I have been married (to the same guy).  It’s obvious to me that we are both on the autistic spectrum, ...[Read More]

on 12/22/11 | 2 Comments | Read More

Caregiver angst writing

The recent explosion of the #youmightbeanautismparentif tag on Twitter and the Stephanie Rochester case are two good reasons to spend some time thinking about the “caregiver angst” genre: writing...[Read More]

on 12/21/11 | 3 Comments | Read More

LA Times Scooped by Shift Journal (seven times)

Directly in the title of the fourth and final installment of a series on autism which has been by turns both predictably biased and reasonably informative, the LA Times last Friday ventured to print w...[Read More]

on 12/20/11 | No Comments | Read More

The Misery of “Happy” People

Surely a culture where everyone must smile must be a happy culture?  Surely a merry holiday must be the happiest time of year?  Surely a stunning model makes everyone feel good about themselves. ...[Read More]

on 12/19/11 | No Comments | Read More

If Public Opinion Penned an Autism Diagnosis …

I’ve spent far too much time lately fighting with those who have no understanding of what is required for an autism diagnosis. The arguments and myths I’ve encountered are at times upsetting, an...[Read More]

on 12/16/11 | 4 Comments | Read More

Delayed Reactions

Going away to college can be overwhelming at first. Being in a different place, away from family, and having so much to do… it’s a lot to handle. Even after it looks like everything has settled in...[Read More]

on 12/15/11 | No Comments | Read More


When I was a little girl, I was scared. That sentence has taken two months to write. When I was a little girl, I was scared. When I was a little girl, I was a lot of things. I was functionall...[Read More]

on 12/14/11 | 1 Comment | Read More

Pieces of Suicide

There's a little back-and-forth echo that's popped up between this site and Julia Bascom's. This entry aims to amplify that little echo. Here's Julia yesterday at her blog Just Stimming, after having ...[Read More]

on 12/13/11 | No Comments | Read More

Speech (without a title)

Hi. My name is Julia Bascom and I’ve had it easy. I had it easy. What this means is that in fifth grade I was the smartest kid in the class. I also did a lot of hiding under my desk, and I talk...[Read More]

on 12/12/11 | 1 Comment | Read More

Introvert Survival: Diaries

When we think of diaries the first image that comes to mind is the popular image.  A slim volume with lots of pink hearts all over the cover.  It might have a little toy lock on it so that its con...[Read More]

on 12/12/11 | No Comments | Read More

Still Half Drunk with Delight

Bee Swarms Mimic Human Brain Neurons to Make Decisions Swarms of bees and brain neurons make decisions using strikingly similar mechanisms, reports a new study in the Dec. 9 issue of Science. In prev...[Read More]

on 12/10/11 | 1 Comment | Read More

The Perfect Answer

Why do you stay in the marriage? An acquaintance recently asked my husband this question. He asked it not because my husband had expressed any unhappiness with our marriage, but because I have As...[Read More]

on 12/9/11 | No Comments | Read More

Metaphors for mental illness

Last summer, my son began having severe, unexplained panic attacks several times a day. At the time, my only framework for understanding his symptoms was the medical model of mental illness. I was i...[Read More]

on 12/6/11 | No Comments | Read More

Introvert Survival: Any Small Thing

One of the most powerful remedies for feelings of depression, loneliness, and rejection is a hobby or discipline that commands your intimate attention.  As a kid I loved insects and all kinds of sm...[Read More]

on 12/5/11 | 2 Comments | Read More

Seeing the Best in Every Child: The Importance of Neurodiversity

Imagine that all of the people in the world have been magically transformed into flowers. Some of us are petunias.  Others are begonias.  Still others are tulips.  Now, let’s say for the sake o...[Read More]

on 12/1/11 | No Comments | Read More